Sunday, April 09, 2006

Just as Funny as Ever!

About a month ago, I sent a letter to my local newspaper, and it went like this:

At last!

I have waited for years for the resolutely unfunny, one-note comic strip "Mallard Fillmore" to produce something even marginally amusing (as a rule, "Rex Morgan, M.D." engenders more laughs), and it has finally happened! The punch line in the March 7 installment--"But first we're gonna go right on beating the Dick Cheney hunting accident story to death"--is absolutely hilarious...simply because that item disappeared out of the so-called liberal media at least a week before, and it is in fact dim-bulb right-wring extremists such as "Fillmore"'s creator who are keeping the story alive. What a hoot!

Even funnier is that "the story" never was about the hunting accident, which could have been a real tragedy--the story always was about Cheney's high-handed, arrogant "handling" of the incident. But I typically find as much accuracy as humor in "Fillmore"--which is to say, almost none--so no surprise there.

The "comic" strip in question was this:

Amusingly, before my letter even appeared (some weeks later, by which point I would think it no longer timely), the "creative" "mind" behind Mallard Fillmore decided to keep alive the issue he was accusing "liberals" of keeping alive:

By the time that one appeared, the issue was dead and gone, and yet with typical monotony, this exemplar of right-wing indignation insisted on revisiting it. Quite astonishing.

Typical of the inherent inconsistency with which the mindless faction of the radical right-wing must live is this more recent entry in the ongoing saga of "The World's Most Unfunny Comic Strip":

Now, think about this a moment. Obviously unable to craft or sustain an independent thought, the "author" of the strip once again, and as usual, falls back on hackneyed cliche (is there any other kind?), viz., irresponsible, free-spending liberals. Okay. But at the moment, both the executive and the legislative branch of government are in the hands of the Republican Party, and have been for several years now. Somehow, though, these "conservatives" managed to blow through the budget surplus left by the free-spending Democrats of the Clinton administration, and are diving ever deeper into red ink. So, to follow the "logic" of this strip: Spending money like it grows on trees is wrong. The federal government is spending money like it grows on trees. Republicans are in control of the federal government. Therefore, Republicans are wrong.

Okay. Works for me.

Still leaves me with the question: What are conservatives conserving? Not money, at least not federal money.

And why? Could it be that spending the country in the hole is a good excuse for cutting social programs while giving corporations and wealthy individuals all kinds of tax advantages?