Next Best Thing to Useless!

I'm not sure why, but this evening I received an offer to check out something called Alice (www.alice.com), which is some kind of shopping service, apparently. "At Alice, you’ll find great prices without buying in bulk or paying a membership fee," they say, touting their low prices and price comparison feature. Mildly intrigued, I clicked the Find the Best Price tab, and got this:

As illustrations go, this one is pretty darn useless, no? I mean, everything is grayed out, so what you really have is just a list of pulled-from-air prices without context--all of which are (surprise!) higher than Alice's. Wow, this does look like a great service! Oh, and that See Details & Disclaimer link? Doesn't work; not a link at all, really.

I'm sure that, were I to join up, all of Alice's wonderful features would be revealed to me and I could see With Mine Own Eyes how it makes my life easier, and also cheaper. But isn't the point of an illustration or example to convince me first so I will then be inclined to join? This does nothing of the sort. It merely asserts "Our prices are lower than every place where they're higher. And we won't tell you their names, either, so you can just take our word for it."

Thanks but no thanks, Alice.

(And why "Alice"? I suspect some kind of Brady Bunch angle here, for it was Alice who got stuff done in the Brady household. I suppose I could find all that and more under the See Alice in Action link, but, well, I'm just not that interested.)

How Do I Know I Want to Be Your Friend?

Generally I'm a fan of privacy settings on such sites as Facebook. But I find lately that they seem to be in the way of "friending" people. For instance, a little while ago a name appeared in the "suggestion" box over on the right-hand side of my Facebook page. Well, I went to school with someone by the same name, but it's a fairly common name--not quite John Smith, but certainly in that neighborhood--and so I click on the little picture (unhelpfully, a dog) to see if perchance it's my old acquaintance.

Ah, but "John only shares certain information with everyone," Facebook tells me (in a very clumsy sentence, I might add). "To learn more about John, add him as a friend."

Well, no. See, I want to learn more about John to help me decide if I want to add him as a friend.

(I know that the object of the game, for many, is to have that friend list bulging beyond all recognition, to eventually be "friends" with everybody on Facebook. But that's not how I roll. I'm into quality.)

Sometimes in such cases I can look over John's list of friends and do some deductive reasoning. But not always. I mean, if it's someone I went to college with, well, that's 30 years ago. I have something like four college friends among my 168 high-quality friends. The odds are probably pretty good that that's true for many of my demographic group. Not a lot of clues to go by.

And, sure, I can send John a message and ask whether he's the same John Smith who had the locker next to me in tenth grade or whatever. But, sorry to say, by this point I've usually lost interest entirely and moved on to the next task. If I haven't made the effort to be in touch with Smith these past 35 years, why would I do so now? Let him contact me! He can read my profile, after all! Nor do I have a picture of my cat as a profile shot.

The Truth Is Always the First Victim

Christianity Today writes about my Lutheran friends' passing their Social Statement on Human Sexuality, unable to resist the temptation (irony!) to subhead it "Tornado touches convention center as Lutherans approve sexuality statement by the exact margin it needed to pass."

Very poetic.

Too bad about it being untrue. The tornado struck downtown -- and not just the convention center -- shortly after two p.m.; the vote came shortly after six.

Missed it by that much.

Later in the article Christianity Today does sort of slide in an "Hours later the assembly voted..." but of course by then the damage is done, and those who skim rather than read will -- as intended -- come away with the impression that my friends voted and then were smote by a tornado!

Great story, even if Christianity Today had to make it up.

Especially egregious in that the paragraph previous to the bare mention of the interval between tornado and vote quotes a Baptist minister (??) warning that "The tornado in Minneapolis was a gentle but firm warning to the ELCA ..."

Indeed.

And if the day had been bright and sunny, the skies blue, the birds singing, would Christianity Today have proclaimed that it obviously was a sign that the Almighty approved of my Lutheran chums' action?

Hahaha. I make joke.

More Spam to Love!

You know, there is nothing like well-written spam. I have commented on this before, mostly in terms of disgust, since it seems to me that modern spammers just aren't trying. (See here, here, and here.) Today's mail brings a slightly better-than-the-norm come-on. Lacking in originality, I have to say--I was getting sob-stories like this via the US Postal Service 20, 25 years ago--it at least gives some indication that the spammer behind it--Mr. Fareed Usman, to you--put a little bit of effort into it.

For starters, he seems able to keep his story straight between his "from" line (Mr. Fareed Usman) and his "subject" line (From Mr. Fareed Usman)...unimaginative, yes, but consistent! As is his return address, too: fareedusman89@live.com. (You wouldn't believe how much spam I get which purports to be from X even though the e-mail address is Y. Come on, people: focus!)

Mr. Usman (he begins by calling me "friend," but I don't yet feel we're on a first-name basis) begins thusly:

As you read this, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday.

Wow! Already we have much in common, for I too believe that everyone will die someday! It's almost as if we were separated at birth!

My name is MR. Fareed Usman a Crude Oil merchant in IRAN; I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.

Well, that sucks: You no sooner make a new friend than you find out he has only about a few months to live, for his illness has defiled medical treatment. Which is the sort of thing that really torques off doctors, by the way, which may explain why they've only given him about a few months to live.

As he nears the end of life's highway, Mr. Usman seeks to atone for his past; evidently he was "always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for." Now, however, he has

willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends

who must be pretty saintlike if they remained close friends even when he was "always hostile" to them. Or maybe they're not so close after all, since they don't seem to be very helpful to Mr. Usman as he strives to make amends:

I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth.

Points for honesty. Hope God sees it that way, too. But I think God might want a few sharp words with Mr. Usman's family:

So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in Austria, cameroun, Liberia, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan; they refused and kept the money to themselves.

Those jerks! Now, not being rich myself I can't quite relate to all the problems that wealth must bring with it. But I have to wonder how tough it could possibly be to give it away. I mean, Mr. Usman seems well enough to have e-mailed me--maybe he's even e-mailed other cyber-friends; who know?--and can than be much more difficult than giving money away? He's already made these connections in Africa, Malaysia, and, um, Austria (?!)--why can't he just e-mail them and say, Not having much luck in Bulgaria and Pakistan, so I have some extra money for you? Well, as the man said, the rich are different than you and me.

It comes as no surprise that Mr. Usman no longer trusts his family, "as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them." And that, apparently, is where I come in:

The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of Twenty Five million dollars $25, 000, 000, 00 that I have with a finance/Security Company abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatched it to charity organizations. I have set aside 10% for you and for your time. If this is okay with you get back to me and I'll give you all the details you need to know.

Of course, now people in fact do know about the huge cash deposit, but so it goes. I'm a little confused about why Mr. Usman needs my help to "collect this deposit" when in fact it is his deposit, and he should simply be able to withdraw it, it seems to me. I don't know how Mr. Usman came to settle on me for this task--perhaps he reads this blog; perhaps my legendary devotion to honesty has reached his ears even in Iran--but however it came to be, two and a half million dollars seems fair recompense for my time. I mean, again, how tough can it be? You call Charity A and ask if they'd like a couple million dollars. They say yes. You call Charity B and ask the same question. You wouldn't even get through the whole alphabet at that rate. A day, maybe two, at most.

I only hope Mr. Usman lasts long enough. These diseases that defile medical treatment and leave you with only about a few months to live can be tricky bastards.

Back Into the Echo Chamber

Today's edition of the local rag included a truly bizarre "editorial" from a member of the state legislature who also is an orthopedic surgeon and thus has no stake at all in the outcome of the current movement toward health-care reform...which of course is what his "editorial" was about. "Controlling health care won't yield greatness" it was titled. I don't know why. I suppose because his essay includes this head-scratcher of a sentence:

"We cannot tax, deny, control, penalize and regulate our way to greatness in health care."

Which of course leads one to wonder who ever said anything about achieving "greatness in health care"? I thought the discussion was about access to health care, specifically providing health-care insurance options to those who are otherwise uninsured. You know--the poor, people like that.

Taking care of the least among us--that's where "greatness" will come from.

It bothers me a little that a medical doctor seems not to understand that. And it bothers me a little that a state legislator seems to have swallowed whole the canard that a public insurance program for the otherwise uninsured would somehow mysteriously lead to "denial" of health-care services.

But what really bothers me is that the learned doctor, in typical right-wing obstructionist fashion, presents not a single fact in his little essay. He lectures us, and tells us all of the bad things that will happen if we do something to take care of one another...but he doesn't tell us why, or how, or where he gets his information. So we have no way of judging his statements. We have no way of engaging in the sort of critical thinking and questioning that makes for true social discussion.

Because of course these guys aren't interested in true social discussion. They're interested in scaring people. They're interested in preserving the status quo.

"The United States stands as a shining symbol to the rest of the world because of the different way we do things. Our health care should be no different."

Meaning what? In the name of doing things a "different way" we should continue to be the only industrialized country on the planet that doesn't think it's important to look after its citizens? All of them, regardless of the thickness of their wallet. (Again, I think he means health-care system, but why quibble.)

So I was motivated, against my better judgment, to post a little response in the Comments section of the local rag's online edition:

Interestingly, Curd includes not a single source, not a single verifiable fact, not a single shred of evidence to back up his claims. Typical of that faction that believes that the greatest country in the world need not provide basic health care to its people. Typical of a party that has run out of its own ideas and thus can only throw nails on the road in a misguided effort to halt progress. Typical of the scare tactics employed by those who benefit from the status quo. Give us some FACTS, please, and not mere opinions presented as some sort of learned analysis.

And P.S.: Why does the Argus Leader even publish stuff like this? Any decent editor would have bucked it back to Curd with a request to back up his assertions with some EVIDENCE.

Of course, that tends to assume that evidence exists. Which may well be the case. But it's hard to know, since the obstructionists never seem to trot any out.

By now you may be asking why I waste my time on this sort of stuff. Believe me, I've asked myself the same thing, and more than once. I might as well be talking to the wall. Not that I don't do plenty of that, too.

Wow. He Really IS a Big Fat Idiot!

This evening I signed a petition from the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee "telling Republicans they should immediately condemn [Rush] Limbaugh's hateful rhetoric," in light of the blowhard's "comparing the Democratic Party to Nazis and using swastikas on his website."

When I sign these things I don't often fill in the optional comments box, but tonight I did, thusly:

"Typical of an increasingly marginalized entertainer who fancies himself a pundit and who must constantly find new ways to shock sensibilities in a vain effort to appear relevant."

I'm quite certain that these petitions are all but useless, but everybody needs a hobby.

And You Can Quote Me!

A couple dozen quotations of the sort I like to collect. Most of them, as usual, come from the newsletter A Word a Day. Have fun!

---

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world. -Ralph Waldo Emerson, writer and philosopher (1803-1882)

Faith is believing what you know ain't so. -Mark Twain, author and humorist (1835-1910)

"Faith" is a fine invention / For gentlemen who see -- / But microscopes are prudent / In an emergency. -Emily Dickinson, poet (1830-1886)

Snakes and ladders: the game of organized religions. -Yahia Lababidi, writer (b. 1973)

We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until we move from the passive voice to the active voice - that is, until we have stopped saying 'It got lost,' and say, 'I lost it.' -Sydney J. Harris, journalist (1917-1986)

In youth we feel richer for every new illusion; in maturer years, for every one we lose. -Madame Anne Sophie Swetchine, mystic (1782-1857)

Words are the small change of thought. -Jules Renard, writer (1864-1910)

Words are like money; there is nothing so useless, unless when in actual use. -Samuel Butler, writer (1835-1902)

We are all of us more or less echoes, repeating involuntarily the virtues, the defects, the movements, and the characters of those among whom we live. -Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)

The propagandist's purpose is to make one set of people forget that certain other sets of people are human. -Aldous Huxley, novelist (1894-1963)

What monstrosities would walk the streets were some people's faces as unfinished as their minds. -Eric Hoffer, philosopher and author (1902-1983)

Power is only important as an instrument for service to the powerless. -Lech Walesa, human rights activist, Polish president, Nobel laureate (b. 1943)

I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, only as one who has seen its brutality, its futility, its stupidity. -Dwight D. Eisenhower, U.S. general and 34th president (1890-1969)

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -J. Krishnamurti, author, speaker, and philosopher (1895-1986)

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. -Oscar Wilde, writer (1854-1900)

I live my life in widening circles that reach out across the world. I may not complete this last one but I give myself to it. -Rainer Maria Rilke, poet and novelist (1875-1926)

Conscience is a man's compass, and though the needle sometimes deviates, though one often perceives irregularities when directing one's course by it, one must still try to follow its direction. -Vincent van Gogh, painter (1853-1890)

One man meets an infamous punishment for that crime which confers a diadem upon another. -Juvenal, poet (c. 60-140)

Pride, like laudanum and other poisonous medicines, is beneficial in small, though injurious in large, quantities. No man who is not pleased with himself, even in a personal sense, can please others. -Frederick Saunders, librarian and essayist (1807-1902)

Like cars in amusement parks, our direction is often determined through collisions. -Yahia Lababidi, author (b. 1973)

A fixed idea is like the iron rod which sculptors put in their statues. It impales and sustains. -Hippolyte Taine, critic and historian (1828-1893)

Some men of a secluded and studious life have sent forth from their closet or their cloister, rays of intellectual light that have agitated courts and revolutionized kingdoms; like the moon which, though far removed from the ocean, and shining upon it with a serene and sober light, is the chief cause of all those ebbings and flowings which incessantly disturb that restless world of waters. -Charles Caleb Colton, author and clergyman (1780-1832)

I once met a man who had forgiven an injury. I hope some day to meet the man who has forgiven an insult. -Charles Buxton, brewer, philanthropist, writer and politician (1823-1871)

How easy to be amiable in the midst of happiness and success. -Madame Anne Sophie Swetchine, mystic (1782-1857)

A Generation Ignored!

A line from a post in an online forum that I monitor (but seldom participate in) for my work:

Furthermore, I think the constant exposure to the kind of sex we see on TV and in advertising contributes to unhealthy sexual behaviors (i.e., promiscuity), especially among the young.

Which causes me to wonder: Why does our society seem so callously unconcerned about the problem of promiscuity among the old?

A quick Google search (my current lost cause is to resist using "Google" as a verb) turns up any number of hits in re promiscuity among the younger set--"Record rise in sexual diseases among promiscuous young adults"; "Lower drinking age pushes promiscuity"; "Promiscuity Among Teens Often Due to Sexual Abuse"; and a couple that sound really interesting: "Sexual Promiscuity -- A National Plague" and "Westminster Exorcist Says Promiscuity can Lead to Demonic Possession"--but scant reference to anything having to do with the old.

This, friends, is the shame of our modern society.

Waking with the...Bats?

So it develops that the clicking, scritching sound I had been hearing off and on as I dozed in the pre-alarm-clock darkness was not a beetle on the screen of the west window, nor a new sound that had developed in the ceiling fan. I had wondered about the cats' odd behavior: they seemed to be climbing up the side of the bed rather than making their usual mattress-bouncing leaps, and if the noises in question were being caused by an insect--on either side of the window screen--one would expect them to be in the window, investigating. Finally, as a gray light began to intrude into the room, I sat up, perched my glasses on my nose, and observed a bit of movement amongst the stacks of books along the wall by the bed. (You are perhaps surprised to learn that I have dozens of books stacked next the bed?)

And to my total lack of surprise, a tiny brown bat rounded the edge of a volume as, I assume, he looked for the exit.

This is not our first encounter with bats; thus my lack of surprise. You live in an old house in an old neighborhood, you probably meet up with bats from time to time. Some years ago we were aware of a sound up in the attic, and one of the cats was quite desperate for us to open the attic door and let her investigate, but we declined. Next day--next night, actually--there was no noise that we could hear, so we assumed that whoever had gotten in there had gotten out again and was on his merry little way.

Perhaps a year or so ago, one of the little dickenses had gotten downstairs and was crashing around in the living room and dining room. Well, for the most part it was cats crashing around, hunting, while the poor bat tried to find an exit. We didn't help him much by turning on the lights (all of this happened, of course, after the family had settled down to bed--or so we had thought), but it couldn't be helped. He blundered his was into the kitchen and holed up under the edge of the cabinets (two cats intent on that corner helped with the detective work), where I was able to get a towel around him and take him out to the street. I'm afraid I inadvertently injured him, since there was a spot of blood on the towel when I got back into the house. Whether it was a serious injury, I know not. Come daylight, the bat was not where my daughter and I dropped him, so perhaps he made his way to safety.

This morning's exercise, by contrast, was straightforward. Having ascertained the situation, I grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom, scooped up the little guy, and--in my skivvies, mind--trooped out to the alley and let him go. I sort of flung open the washcloth and expected him to take off, but instead he dropped into a pile of branches next to the compost bin. I don't know why. Perhaps he was sick; perhaps he was scared and confused; perhaps it was already too bright out for him. Who knows? I assume he'll find some place to hole up for the day (he could even climb down into the branch pile and chill there till nightfall) and then go on about his business. Or not. I can do only so much.

What's striking about these guys is how tiny they are. Today's intruder was all bunched up, and as such only about the size of your palm (easily contained one-handedly in a washcloth); his predecessor, flitting back and forth from room to room, had a wingspan of probably no more than six inches. I assume that we're dealing here with Myotis lucifugus, the little brown bat, which is the most common bat in North America. He's actually kind of cute, as evidenced by the photo below. But I think he's cuter outside the house.

A Few Words

It's been awhile, and the quotations that I like to collect have been, you know, collecting. Here's a bunch of them. Many of them--although, this time, not all of them--are from the always-interesting newsletter A Word a Day:

Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, everyday, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity. — Christopher Morley

Faith which does not doubt is dead faith. -Miguel de Unamuno, philosopher and writer (1864-1936)

To profess to be doing God's will is a form of megalomania. - Joseph Prescott, aphorist (1913-2001)

Only the madman is absolutely sure. - Robert Anton Wilson, novelist (1932-2007)

The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience. - Eleanor Roosevelt, US diplomat & reformer
(1884 - 1962)

You can't help someone get up a hill without getting closer to the top yourself. - H. Norman Schwarzkopf (1934 - )

In all recorded history there has not been one economist who has had to worry about where the next meal would come from. - Peter Drucker (1909-2005)

Each morning puts a man on trial and each evening passes judgment. - Roy L. Smith

Whatever a man prays for, he prays for a miracle. Every prayer reduces itself to this: Great God, grant that twice two be not four. - Ivan Turgenev, novelist and playwright (1818-1883)

It is not how old you are, but how you are old. - Jules Renard, writer (1864-1910)

It is one thing to show a man that he is in error, and another to put him in possession of the truth. - John Locke, philosopher (1632-1704)

It seems like the less a statesman amounts to the more he adores the flag. - Kin Hubbard, humorist (1868-1930)

Our heads are round so that thoughts can change direction. - Francis Picabia, painter and poet (1879-1953)

I believe I have no prejudices whatsoever. All I need to know is that a man is a member of the human race. That's bad enough for me. - Mark Twain, author and humorist (1835-1910)

Knowing what / Thou knowest not / Is in a sense / Omniscience. - Piet Hein, poet and scientist (1905-1996)

I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice. - Abraham Lincoln, 16th U.S. President (1809-1865)

Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product. - Eleanor Roosevelt, diplomat and author (1884-1962)

Myth: we have to save the earth. Frankly, the earth doesn't need to be saved. Nature doesn't give a hoot if human beings are here or not. The planet has survived cataclysmic and catastrophic changes for millions upon millions of years. Over that time, it is widely believed, 99 percent of all species have come and gone while the planet has remained. Saving the environment is really about saving our environment - making it safe for ourselves, our children, and the world as we know it. If more people saw the issue as one of saving themselves, we would probably see increased motivation and commitment to actually do so. - Robert M. Lilienfeld, management consultant and author (b. 1953) and William L. Rathje, archaeologist and author (b. 1945)

Wow. Seriously?

Reproduced below, in all of its froth-spewing, red-eyed, hate-filled, venom-dripping, punctuation-challenged glory, is a lovely bit of e-mail that arrived a few weeks ago. It came from an acquaintance, forwarded with dozens of other e-mail addresses intact, and with the odd subject line, "FW: Pardon the language.. but this is a reality check.. Hugs,M----- & R---" whom I take to be the originators of the message, or at least the most recent passers-along. They are unknown to me, for which I am grateful.

As you read the message, perhaps you will be struck by some of the same things I noted:

1. Any time someone troubles him- or herself to utilize President Obama's middle name, you know they are about to regurgitate some particularly loathsome bile. Whenever you call them on this, the response is, "I only call him that because that's his name." And yet I have yet to hear any of them refer to his predecessor as "George Walker."

2. How the heck would the perpetrator of this repulsive missive know what George S. Patton "would have said"? Anyone can shove his bigoted comments into the mouth of any deceased historical figure. It has no meaning, no weight.

3. Why on earth should I care what Patton "would have said"?

4. Taken to its logical conclusion--although I admit it's dangerous to apply logic when dealing with something obviously written by a hate-mongering bigot--one must conclude that the author advocates genocide. For the anonymous author puts these words into Patton's mouth:

If they [Muslims] manage to get their hands on a nuke, chemical agents, or even some anthrax -- you will wish to God we had hunted them down and killed THEM while we had the chance.

Yep, there you have it. Kill them. Kill them all. That's what Patton would have said, by golly, or so we're told. Gotta kill them all before they kill us. By the time you realize "they" want to kill you, it'll be too late for you to kill "them." Gotta do unto them and do it first.

Except...um, didn't Patton--the real one, not the one made up by this anonymous hate-monger--also say the same thing about the Soviets? Didn't he want to wipe them out before they wiped us out? Didn't he warn that "they" wanted to kill us--all of them wanted to kill all of us?

Well, just to remind you that really warped, really scary people are all around us, here's the diatribe. Please note that your humble correspondent repudiates it entirely. And be sure to scrub off good after you've read it.

###

After todays Barak Hussien and Cheney speeches this seems to be a good summary.

What Patton would have said...

This is how General George S. Patton would sum things up .... and then catch holy hell from Ike. He sure had a unique way of expressing his thoughts. ATTENTION! To ALL those whining, panty-waisted, pathetic Citizens, it's time for a little refresher course on exactly why we Americans occasionally have to fight wars to keep this nation great. See if you can tear yourself away from your "reality" TV and Starbucks for a minute, pull your head out of your ass -- and LISTEN UP!! Abu Ghraib is not "torture" or an "atrocity." This is the kind of thing frat boys, sorority girls, and academy cadets do every year. A little fun at someone else's expense. Certainly no reason to wring your hands or get your panties in a wad. Got that ? THIS IS an atrocity! So Was This!!! WHICH PART DON'T YOU GET? Islam a peaceful religion? My Ass! Millions of these warped misled sons-of-bitches are plotting, as we speak, to destroy our country and our way of life any way they can. Some of them are here among us now. They don't want to convert you and don't want to rule you. They believe you are a vile infestation of Allah's paradise. They don't give a shit how "progressive" you are, how peace-loving you are, or how much you sympathize with their cause. They want your ass dead, and they think it is God's will for them to do it. Some think if we give them a hug or listen to them, then they'll like us, and if you agree - Then you are a pathetic dumb ass! If they manage to get their hands on a nuke, chemical agents, or even some anthrax -- you will wish to God we had hunted them down and killed THEM while we had the chance. How many more Americans must be beheaded? You've fallen asleep AGAIN - get your head out of your ass! You may never get another chance! NOW GET OFF YOUR SORRY ASS and pass this on to any and every person you give a damn about - if you ever gave a damn about anything! DISMISSED! Do you have enough balls to forward this email. The truth shall set you free!

A Mystery Solved!

I have long marveled at "Mallard Fillmore," The World' Most Consistently Unfunny Comic Strip. But no more. Today's installment clears up a big mystery for me:



But of course! "Mallard" is relentlessly strident, one-note, and flat for the now-obvious reason that its perpetrator, Bruce Tinsley, doesn't understand what a joke is!

Glad to get that cleared up.

Says You

And here another handful of quotations, many if not most if not all from A Word a Day:


I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own -- a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. -Albert Einstein, physicist, Nobel laureate (1879-1955)

The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. -John Kenneth Galbraith, economist (1908-2006)

Patriotism is proud of a country's virtues and eager to correct its deficiencies; it also acknowledges the legitimate patriotism of other countries, with their own specific virtues. The pride of nationalism, however, trumpets its country's virtues and denies its deficiencies, while it is contemptuous toward the virtues of other countries. It wants to be, and proclaims itself to be, "the greatest", but greatness is not required of a country; only goodness is. -Sydney J. Harris, journalist and author (1917-1986)

A time will come when a politician who has wilfully made war and promoted international dissension will be as sure of the dock and much surer of the noose than a private homicide. It is not reasonable that those who gamble with men's lives should not stake their own. -H.G. Wells, writer (1866-1946)

The artist brings something into the world that didn't exist before, and he does it without destroying something else. -John Updike, writer (1932-2009)

No matter that we may mount on stilts, we still must walk on our own legs. And on the highest throne in the world, we still sit only on our own bottom. -Michel de Montaigne, essayist (1533-1592)

Laughter and tears are meant to turn the wheels of the same machinery of sensibility; one is wind-power, and the other water-power. -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., poet, novelist, essayist, and physician (1809-1894)

A lawn is nature under totalitarian rule. -Michael Pollan, author, journalism professor (b. 1955)

Memories are interpreted like dreams. -Leo Longanesi, journalist and editor (1905-1957)

I happen temporarily to occupy this big White House. I am living witness that any one of your children may look to come here as my father's child has. -Abraham Lincoln, 16th president of the U.S. (1809-1865)

The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes. -Marcel Proust, novelist (1871-1922)

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it -- and stop there -- lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again, and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more. -Mark Twain, author and humorist (1835-1910)

Society is like a stew. If you don't keep it stirred up you get a lot of scum on the top. -Edward Abbey, naturalist and author (1927-1989)

I need someone to protect me from all the measures they take in order to protect me. -Banksy, street artist (b. 1974)

A language is an exact reflection of the character and growth of its speakers. -Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)

Close-to-Home-ish

It's all over the news today that, in an effort to survive, Chrysler LLC has filed a motion with the U.S. Bankruptcy Court to effectively close 789 dealers by early June.

Although I have no sentimental ties to Chrysler--my family never owned one, and to the best of my recollection I have in three decades of driving piloted precisely two: A late-1970s Plymouth Arrow that belonged to a college friend, and a 2008 PT Cruiser rental that I had last week when my CR-V was in the body shop--I was curious to see if Chrysler had announced which dealers would close, and if any were nearby.

Somewhat to my surprise, I see by this list at ConsumerReports.org that a number of those dealerships are in South Dakota. It often seems--or the local boosters would have it seem--that the local economy is something of a bubble floating atop the raging seas. Not this time, I guess.

Here are the lucky dealerships:

BIEGLER'S INC 1502 6TH AVE SW ABERDEEN, SD 57401-3703

FLANDREAU MOTORS INC HWY 32 WEST FLANDREAU, SD 57028

HILLS EDGE AUTO SALES INC HIGHWAY 385 N HOT SPRINGS, SD 57747

LIBERTY MOTORS INC 600 CAMBELL ST RAPID CITY, SD 57701-3002

PALACE MOTORS INC 219 EAST FIRST AVENUE MITCHELL, SD 57301-3425

S.J. MARNANCE INC DBA SCHOENHARD DODGE 101 SECOND STREET SOUTHWEST HURON, SD 57350-2502

SPEARFISH MOTORS INC 1910 NORTH MAIN STREET SPEARFISH, SD 57783

I have no idea how many of those, if any, sell cars other than Chryslers, or how easy or difficult it may be to switch to another line, especially in times of a downturn. Doesn't sound like a good deal for the people who work at these dealerships.

It's All in the Telling

Headline from the New York Times in re the pope's visit to Bethlehem on May 13:

In Bethlehem, Pope Urges Lifting of Gaza Embargo

Reporting the same story, here's the headline from News from Jerusalem:

Pope calls for Palestinian state!

It is indeed all in the telling.

Today's Quotation

"What should the Pope do or say at the university? Certainly, he must not seek to impose the faith upon others in an authoritarian manner – as faith can only be given in freedom. Over and above his ministry as Shepherd of the Church, and on the basis of the intrinsic nature of this pastoral ministry, it is the Pope’s task to safeguard sensibility to the truth; to invite reason to set out ever anew in search of what is true and good, in search of God; to urge reason, in the course of this search, to discern the illuminating lights that have emerged during the history of the Christian faith, and thus to recognize Jesus Christ as the Light that illumines history and helps us find the path towards the future."

--Pope Benedict XVI, from an address that he had intended to give at La Sapienza University, Rome, January 2008. The address was canceled because of the threat of a demonstration against the pope.

One suspects that no one frothing about President Obama's speaking at Notre Dame has read the pontiff's contention that "faith can only be given in freedom" and that the pope must "invite reason to set out ever anew in search of what is true and good" and "urge reason, in the course of this search, to discern the illuminating lights that have emerged during the history of the Christian faith." But you can read it at the Vatican website.

This Is "Leadership"?

As part of the seemingly endless brouhaha over the W.H. Lyon Fairgounds here in the current neighborhood, the local rag today publishes an interesting article, "Fairgrounds for sale? County looks for options"...well, interesting if one reads between the lines.

In a nutshell: The Fairgounds, that is to say the Sioux Empire Fair Association, has for some time been bleeding money, occasionally being propped up by Minnehaha County. Earlier this year it was discovered that a bookkeeper had been embezzling, big time. So now, the horse having successfully evacuated the barn, much hue and cry is taking place--new management, audits, county commissioners pontificating, the whole schmeer--including (and this is the between-the-lines part) the "future" of the Sioux Empire Fair, held annually at the Fairgrounds, and of the property itself.

Ah. The property.

According to the local rag,

The commission also is seeking a legal opinion whether the conditions of Winona Lyon's bequest of the fairgrounds to the county in 1938 would allow the county to ever sell the land or devote a portion of it to long-term economic development, like a hotel or convention center.

That opinion, commissioners say, won't come before the June 1 deadline. But a short-term contract would allow the county to begin the process of selling or developing the land soon.

Already, one potential suitor for the land has made its interest known: Sweetman Construction, owners of a nearby quarry.

The Sweetman family, the local rag says, contributed money to the campaigns of four of the current members of the county commission, but I'm sure that's neither here nor there.

Later in the article, the local rag repeats what has always been said of the history of the Fairgrounds, viz., Winona Lyon donated the land to be used "as a fairground, and if the county broke faith with that the gift would revert to the family heirs," according to the article.

So now it appears that the county is busy spending taxpayer money to seek "a legal opinion" on how they can undercut Winona Lyon's intent and sell the land out from under her heirs, of which at least one still lives in the area. The article implies there are others.

This smells of a land grab, does it not?

Frankly, I find it disgusting that my county commissioners are wasting my tax dollars looking for
"legal" ways to steal the fairgrounds property from the Lyon heirs. I have no doubt in the world that they will find their loophole, for they are in the long habit of always getting their way, there is a world of difference between what we can do and what we should do.

If the county is unwilling to support the fair, it seems only right that they should follow the expressed wishes of the citizen who generously deeded the land for fairgoers to enjoy and allow the property to revert to her heirs. That's the right thing to do, even though it won't fatten the county's coffers.

I doubt that the county commission possesses the moral fiber to do the right thing, especially if it means waving goodbye to dollars. That would require a measure of leadership that has long been noticeably absent in that august body.

Official prediction: The county's lawyer will ingeniously discover a loophole through which the commission may slither, and they will make unseemly haste to do just that.

The Neighbors

I shared this earlier with a comrade:

I am informed that a couple-hundred non-hetero couples in Iowa took out marriage certificates yesterday--I am under the impression that some were in fact married--and yet, from next door here, little seems to have changed. I spent some considerable time on the roof of my house, scanning the eastern sky with my binoculars, but failed to observe any of the following:

Bolts of lightning from the sky
Fire raining down from the sky
Frogs, locusts, etc., from the sky
Sky itself falling from the sky

Nor have there been any reports of earthquakes, ground opening up to swallow hapless county clerks, or cloven-hoofed creatures cavorting down the streets of Davenport, although I am given to understand that some hogs got loose for awhile at the yards in Sioux City, which may be a portent of something. All in all, pretty quiet over there, from what I can tell. Must be a big disappointment to some. I know I was counting on free fireworks.

But What if there's Money Involved?

I came upon this a few days back in the Washington Post, and found it mildly interesting, for reasons that will be revealed:

Our Endangered Catholic Schools
By Chester E. Finn Jr. and Andy Smarick
Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The positive findings in the Education Department's recent evaluation of the D.C. Opportunity Scholarship program provide more evidence that high-quality private and parochial schools can have invaluable benefits for low-income, minority students. Tragically, however, Catholic schools, long the heart and soul of urban private education, are disappearing. Last year, seven Catholic schools in Washington were converted into charters, and the Dioceses of Brooklyn and Cleveland are considering another round of school closures.

This accelerating crisis, which robs disadvantaged city students of desperately needed educational options, has such profound and negative implications that two U.S. presidents, almost two generations apart, urged intervention. One of us helped staff Richard Nixon's "panel on non-public education" in 1970; the other wrote the Bush administration's report last year. Yet schools keep closing.

If America is to preserve inner-city Catholic education, help is needed from the other side of the aisle. We hope the Obama administration will step forward.

Read the entire article here.

Now, it should be said that I am a product of Catholic schools--two elementary schools and one university--and I have nothing at all against Catholic education. I do happen to think that those who want to send their kids to Catholic school should be prepared to open their checkbooks and not expect the taxpayer to help out, but that's neither here nor there.

No, what caught my attention most is the sentiment in the last paragraph reproduced above, specifically the last sentence of that paragraph:

We hope the Obama administration will step forward.

And, again, I have no particular truck with that sentiment, either. I'm fully willing to accept that D.C. Catholic schools play an important role in the lives of the urban poor there, and that the institution probably is worth helping.

But I can't help but think of the tempest in a teacup that is the "outrage" associated with Notre Dame's inviting President Obama to speak at its commencement. In a fit of pique, the Catholic bishop of South Bend, Indiana, home of Notre Dame, has said he won't attend commencement because the university plans to give Obama an honorary degree.

Cathy Lynn Grossman has a fine exposition on the silliness at her Faith & Reason blog at USA Today. Grossman quotes the looney-tunes ultra-rightist Cardinal Newman Society thus:

It is an outrage and a scandal that "Our Lady's University," one of the premier Catholic universities in the United States, would bestow such an honor on President Obama given his clear support for policies and laws that directly contradict fundamental Catholic teachings on life and marriage.

(John K. Wilson has a fun take on the "scandal" at The Daily Kos, in which he rightly points out that the Cardinal Newman Society, "although adept at getting publicity, is far outside the Catholic mainstream. The Association of Catholic College and Universities denounced the Cardinal Newman Society for making accusations that are 'distorted, inaccurate and in some cases simply untrue.'")

Alrighty, then.

We now can can naught but conclude that the right-wingnut contingent of the Catholic Church must rise up as if one and insist--insist!--that the Archbishop of Washington refuse in no uncertain terms any assistance from the Obama administration, such as that called for in the Washington Post column, since, as expressed above, the leader of said administration has "given his clear support for policies and laws that directly contradict fundamental Catholic teachings on life and marriage."

We can't have any of that! Nor can we have any of their filthy lucre!

Yes? If not...why?

Says Who?

Spring has come to the prairie, which means that the quotations have begun to sprout. This time out, I think all of the dozen or so aphorisms that follow have come from that wonderful newsletter A Word a Day. Fond as I am of etymology, I sometimes wonder if I subscribe for the word of the day or the quotation that follows it!

Religions are not revealed: they are evolved. If a religion were revealed by God, that religion would be perfect in whole and in part, and would be as perfect at the first moment of its revelation as after ten thousand years of practice. There has never been a religion that which fulfills those conditions. -Robert Blatchford, author (1851-1943)

The people who burned witches at the stake never for one moment thought of their act as violence; rather they thought of it as an act of divinely mandated righteousness. The same can be said of most of the violence we humans have ever committed. -Gil Bailie, author and lecturer (b. 1944)

Who overcomes by force hath overcome but half his foe. -John Milton, poet (1608-1674)

War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today. -John F. Kennedy, 35th US president (1917-1963)

In politics, absurdity is not a handicap. -Napoleon Bonaparte, general and politician (1769-1821)

To be nobody but myself -- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting. -E.E. Cummings, poet (1894-1962)

Neither genius, fame, nor love show the greatness of the soul. Only kindness can do that. -Jean Baptiste Henri Lacordaire, preacher, journalist and activist (1802-1861)

All the arguments to prove man's superiority cannot shatter this hard fact: in suffering the animals are our equals. -Peter Singer, philosopher, professor of bioethics (b. 1946)

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy? -Mohandas K. Gandhi (1869-1948)

Not that I want to be a god or a hero. Just to change into a tree, grow for ages, not hurt anyone. -Czeslaw Milosz, poet and novelist (1911-2004)

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. -Jerome K. Jerome, humorist and playwright (1859-1927)

There is only one difference between a madman and me. The madman thinks he is sane. I know I am mad. -Salvador Dali, painter (1904-1989)